Germaine's Luau: Don't go for the food!

Mira and I took off for Germaine's Luau over the holiday weekend. The entertainment was great! The food was all you can eat, but less tasty than the price tag led me to expect.

The fried chicken and fried mahi mahi were astonishingly bad. My piece of fried chicken looked freezer-burned after I pulled off the greasy, tasteless breading. The bottom tip of the breast had cooked into jerky. The fish had all the texture of an overripe banana, including the breading. Here's a tip for good deep frying: use hot oil, (400 degrees or better) chill your ingredients well, and then use a draining rack. Keep the fried stuff hot after frying. That's the best way to keep it from going soggy.

Redeeming the meal, the lomilomi salmon (basically raw salmon salsa) was great, and some chips or pita bread would have complimented it well. The teriyaki beef and the pit roasted pork were ok, and some good BBQ sauce would have brought the pork into the front row seating it deserves on the plate.

The Haupia (coconut gelatin) came with a warning from our host to beware it's laxative effect, but the flavor wasn't bad.

As for the rest, nothing stood out. rolls, rice, salad, macaroni salad, 3-bean salad, and sheet cakes were all cafeteria standard, adding bulk but no innovation.

I'd been wanting to try poi, and I did. Anyone who tells you it tastes like paste is right. In fact, if I mixed a paste from raw cornstarch, water, and a drop of purple food coloring, you wouldn't know the difference between that and poi. I think poi must be a missed opportunity for flavor. It is a blank canvas, waiting for a creative cook. I want to experiment with it, and here are my initial ideas, trying to keep it generally Hawaiian, instead of treating it like polenta or grits. 

 Image: Germaine's poi

1. Pineapple juice and coconut milk instead of water as a base, and served as a dessert pudding.  
2. Fry it into a pancake with green onions and pork.
3. Make it into a funnel cake!
4. Shred the taro with a julienne slicer and mix with coleslaw.
5. Use it as a platform for a curry sauce.
6: Add sugar and a bit of egg white and whip it into a cake frosting, with shredded coconut on top.
7: Use it as a base for a fish chowder.
8: Cookies?
9: As a deep frying tempura batter for the fish.
10: As wallpaper paste.

I'll have to get my hands on some so I can try out my ideas in a future blog.

Finally, here's me with one of the hula dancers

Phuket Thai in Waikiki: Skip the Appetizers.

Mira had the masumum curry at Phuket Thai. I had black bean and ginger beef. Both were solid entrees. neither amazing nor disappointing. The flavors were well balanced and the ingredients were good, although the plating was pretty boring. The restaurant won a few local awards in years past, but seems to have missed out on accolades for 2010 and 2011, and it was clear why. The appetizers sucked.

Let me expound a bit. I ordered the appetizer platter with fish patties, spring rolls, egg rolls, and the one attention getter: the Phuket stuffed chicken wings. It was well below my expectations. The spring rolls were lukewarm, while they should be served well chilled. The egg rolls and stuffed wings were only slightly warmer, and both managed to be greasy and bland. I've had microwaved egg rolls that were better.

I added some peanut sauce to the stuffed wing (above) to make it palatable. The breading was dry and mealy.


Phuket Thai is a nice walking distance from the East side of Waikiki. It is just far enough to build your appetite for some spicy food, but not far enough to give you blisters. The decor was nice inside, and it all tied together well, which was a nice touch. I recommend it for quiet atmosphere and well-flavored entrees, but the seats aren't comfortable enough to stay for more than one course.

The Fat Greek: How did he get fat?

The Fat Greek is just a block from the beach next to the Hilton. It is a great place for a meal that won't weigh you down. Nope, no food coma for us! The plating generally matched the menu pictures and the portions were perfect for our light lunch appetite. Nothing on the menu, in fact, suggested a cause for their mascot's obesity. Maybe he sneaks out for some KFC when no one is looking.

Mira had "Falafel & Tuna" and I had the Greek Salad with Calamari, which leads me to just a few suggestions: The tuna could have used an upgrade: I don't mind canned tuna, but albacore blended with some chopped olive and basil would have been an easy improvement over the mushy tuna salad used here. As for the "Greek" salad: a tablespoon of crumbled feta does not bestow nationality. The body of the salad was romaine, 2 lonely cherry tomatoes, and 2 equally lonely kalamata olives. While fresh, I thought it lacked a little imagination. When I think of Greek flavors, I think of hard-hitting aromatics like dill, oregano, onion and fennel paired with olive oil and lots of large-cut tomatoes and cucumber in a salad. Finally, the calamari batter needed just a touch of flavor, like  a pinch of white pepper, cinnamon, or even just some sea salt. The food wasn't bad, but it was just a wee bit short of what I'd hoped.

The breeze carries through the second floor dining area well, which I really enjoyed, and the windows allow for a bit of people-watching. I had to duck a bit because I was backed up to a plaster bust of Nero, but forward posture just brought me closer to my food.

I have this...compulsion. I always try the tiramisu. I love coffee, and I love chocolate, and I used to make tiramisu for my girlfriends. The Fat Greek's tiramisu was soft frozen and mounted on a hard piece of pita, garnished with a bit of fruit and honey. It was good! The pita wasn't really edible: too hard and dry. Replacing the pita with a phyllo dough pastry would have been my move, but that's only my prejudice against inedible garnishes.

It wasn't a bad meal overall, but the $30 tab for a light lunch will probably keep me from going back.

Image: Tiramisu we got at The Fat Greek is dwarfed by the fork. How did the Greek ever get fat?

Honolulu Burger Company

Image: The Kalua Pig we got from Honolulu Burger Company

Mira and I went to Honolulu Burger Company on the recommendation of a friend, and I'm pleased to say it was worth the trip to satisfy our burger jones. The burgers are unique and delicious, and priced about where you'd expect for premium burgers. One caveat; fries aren't included. Bucking the burger shop tradition, fries (normal or sweet-potato) will bump up the bottom line on your premium-burger bill. The only combo on the menu is the kid's meal, so try to find a kid to stand next to you when you order it, for appearance's sake.

HBC's location is a bit distant from tourist land, but only a block or so from Honolulu University. The walls are crowded with surfing pics and restaurant reviews, and the tables are cornered together in a way that makes elbowing the guy behind you a real possibility as you maneuver a sandwich into your mouth.

Maneuver is the word, though. The sandwiches at HBC are stacked high on buns that won't dissolve or collapse. Mira had the Korean Bang Burger and I had the Kalua Pig Burger. The Korean had kimchi, shredded kalbi pork, and red pepper paste, and was better than any burger for sale in Korea (North or South, take your pick). The Kalua Pig was like a luau in my mouth, with shredded roast pork and pineapple salsa. Luckily the house original BBQ sauce was already on the table.  With fruits and veggies on both and whole wheat buns, we pretended it was a balanced meal, but a good local beer would have rounded it off perfectly.

Image: The Korean Bang we got at Honolulu Burger Company